I just don't know where to begin.... Part 1

I just don't know where to begin with this one.  I guess I should start when I was singing a funeral and Father Paul was talking about his friend that  had died.  Anthony was an organist, composer, teacher - and very extra ordinary.   Apparently, he was very flamboyant, loving and very very funny.

So Father Paul said he was officiating this funeral and he wasn't sure what was going to happen because there was going to be testimonials, story telling and singing - yes singing show tunes without accompaniment - purely accappella.  Ok, so now I was intrigued.  Even though I was not hired to go and sing, I wanted to go anyway just to see - and Ted was bummed because he was not to play for the funeral  and was a bit surprised- So then Father Paul responded "Well, Ted, he wanted it to be accapella.. hellooooo"  Ted responded "ha ha"  I later texted Ted and said.. "you know, we should crash this funeral.... just to see"  He did not respond.  I guess he was a little bitter.

So the next night Father Paul calls me - "UH Missy, Paul here -Are you free on Thursday?  I am going  to ask them if I can bring you with me - so we can sing "Go with God" I mean, come on.. we sing that so well together and he loved broadway so much - it is perfect." So I respond, "great.. let me know either way"  So, my evening proceeds and I am laughing to myself because I know this would send Ted over the edge.  I did not hear from Father Paul - so I called him to see what the deal was - no answer.  He was probably talking to the family, etc.  I finally got a call back the next day and he said that they said no.   He was shocked and Father does not take rejection easily - Sooooo, he said, I am going back to the wake tonite and I will talk to them again.  Well, apparently that worked.  He calls me up and said that he had changed their mind and I was to come. 

So.. what do I do?  I am so bad, I went and  texted Ted to let him know that I am indeed going to sing at this funeral and that he should still come  -  Still no response.... hmmm is Ted angry?  I won't know until the next time I see him...  oh well off to find the directions to this funeral... Hello GPS

Stay tuned, part II of  "I don't even know where to start" will be coming soon...

Have a peaceful day-

M

Just another Funky Friday

So I get a text from Susan, one of the organists I sing for in New  Jersey - and all it said was 'funeral, tomorrow, 9:30 ?"  So of course I text back saying "absolutely and thank you." So morning rolls around.  First of all,  I wake up with a horrendous headache - all I want to do is close my eyes and let the headache go away...but I can't - so I take my pain reliever for my headache, hoping it will help - get my coffee - which is essential for my health and well being - and tried to jump start my day -

I drive over to the church and on my way, I talk to my Dad (on my hands free device of course) and he asks .. are you singing for the dead today? "yes dad.. I am off to sing for the dead"  After we exchange pleasantries, and he gives me the lowdown on where my Mom was - I realized that he has not had his coffee yet so I let him go and get to that. (The apple does NOT fall far from the tree)

Anywho, I get to church and walk in and see that there  are a good amount of people there - ready to come in  - So it is getting closer to 9:30 and alot of the parishioners are coming in to take their seats. 

Now I have to explain that there are these bells that toll to let us know that the family has arrived - and when I hear them, I am supposed to announce that the family had arrived and we will be starting soon and tell them what the first hymn will be - Soooo today,  I start to make my announcement - and I got as far as  - "The bells indicate that the family has arr....., "  - All of a sudden, the priest starts the service - (you see, I cannot see him when he begins, I just hear him through the audio system in the church -) so I had to stop talking (man, did I feel like a fool) - I just smiled, put my hands up in the air to indicate that they should rise -

The service began, everything was going fine - but you know you can have a day where you are just not singing your best-  and today was one of those days.. I sang fine, but it just wasn't "right" for me - It is just like anything in life that is not right on, your golf game,  a show you may be doing, a concert, a soccer game - you get the idea..

They had words of remembrance at the end of communion and it was quite interesting - apparently, The mother of these three children (she was 82 when she died) left notes for the kids that they were to read after she had died.  And they were funny!  Telling her kids that raising the kids will be great - but that the teenage years are going to be a challenge - They got a healthy giggle from the congregation. The children kept tag teaming, so they split up the notes that their mom left for them.  The notes were very touching, funny and sweet.

I think that is a great idea - I might start keeping a journal just for my child - that way, he can see the day to day  or week to week ideas, thoughts, what we did, etc.. something just for him - but he won't be able to have it until I am gone.. He will have a long, long read...

You should all think about that  - it is a very sweet sentiment and is very consoling.

Peace out  -

M-

Well.. who showed up?

If you have been following - this last week was crazy. Four funerals!  It was a very long week, not only did I have to sing all those funerals, but I had a personal loss in my family.  Just a long week -

But

Let's get to the real fun -WHO PLAYED FOR ME ON SATURDAY?  Was it this guy?

Unfortunately, no.. But he looks like we would have a great time!  No.. it was my sweet, funny, sarcastic Ted that showed.  It was great to see him - I had not really seen him since the beginning of the week - but it felt like an eternity.. yeah, that's it.. an eternity.  It was pretty straight forward funeral - the family only requested Ave Maria during the funeral but sometimes we get requests that can throw ya for a loop and you have to figure out where to put them or how you are going to be able to "wing it."  For the funeral yesterday, the family wanted, Wind beneath my Wings.. yes.. you don't have to blink twice.. I told Ted that I did not think I should  sing it..  I could not remember all the lyrics to the song (and it was 9:30am.. one cup of coffee.. )  So he offered to just play it - And what a beautiful job he did - it is moments like this that I look at him and think.."what a damn good musician/pianist"  What can I say.. it makes me proud..

Ok ok, that was way to sentimental.. so let's get back to interesting requests for this week- On Friday we had a request for an old neopolitan classic "Oh Sole Mio".. Now Susan had that funeral and she could play the refrain of the song (from memory!) but not really the verses.. So I was able to find the lyrics (in Italian) on my Iphone - and picture this - I am standing next to the piano, Susan is playing the refrain.. I am there with my iphone in my hand (ruby red bling cover.. i know, very subtle) and I am singing the lyrics from my phone.. Looking back, it is hysterical, but thank goodness I had my phone.. it was a service saver! Thank you technology!

Over all, the week of many organists was fine- As wierd as the requests we got , we winged it.. and we rocked the house.  And that my friends, is how you do it.  (insert Montell Williams 1995 hit.. This is how we do it.)

Oh and to make you laugh.. I got to spend the afternoon with Ted at another mass at another church - I know, the fun never ends...

Have a great week - stayed tuned...

M-

Which organist will show?

So this week has been busy. Three funerals this week - no wait - text coming in - another one tomorrow unreal - but as you probably know  - there are more deaths around the holidays - of course due to the flu, and other sicknesses, depression - I know it is weird, but I find this "topic" if you will,  interesting.  Anywho.. that is not what I am blogging about tonite.

So as usual, Ted shows up on Monday morning all chipper and sassy.  It was a long Thanksgiving weekend and I was a bit tired.. and he is chatting away, like a chatty Cathy  - talking about things that concerned.. wait for it - HIMSELF. I love him - but sometimes, he starts on a roll and I tune out - today was one of these days -

So we start going through the service and of course someone had to go for a eulogy of some sort - and we are back in the sacristy and he is listening with one ear - and he realizes that this poor girl is reading a poem that she wrote - and what do we hear from our darling, sincere, compassionate Ted - "Oh - I hate those rhyming poems.. "  at this point, I am the one that is rolling my eyes at the comments he is making.. really when you are with him - you don't really have to do much - he is very entertaining all on his own!  

The service was pretty straight forward, nothing unusual - and when we finished - I had to book out of there, (had a pt appt.) and thought I would see him Wednesday - but I came to find out that I was not going  too.. which brings me to the title of my post today -

OY

Soooo the Music Minister of the church where I work leaves me a message telling me that there is a funeral on Wednesday and Friday and that Susan would be playing for them - and of course my reply was .. "oh. I thought Ted was playing Wednesday's"  and his response was "uh - no - I booked Susan.. who told Ted?"  Awesome..  let the war the organists begin - Well I believe that our MM (Music Minister) talked to Ted and told him that he already had Susan for the funeral - and Ted seemed ok, but then he called back to say that he gave up another funeral for this - and our MM said.. "You need to hear from me - and if you hear it from someone else, check with me"  Man, the drama -

Hey.. I have an idea...

We might be able to start a new reality show - "Pedal Point Blank" ( I would like to thank my friend for helping me to come with a good title)  Seriously - can you imagine?

Who would be our contestants -

Ted - of course - would be our constant organist and he would have to compete with two other organists who would try to get a job away from him.

We would have a new challenge for them every week - some competitions might include: 

• Make them run through NYC trying to play every organ on a city block or neighborhood and time them.
•  Seeing if they really have to change their shoes to play -
• Make them play a piece barefoot
• Let them direct a choir of people who truly can't sing and see what they do with it.

Judges, we need judges  (hmmm I wonder if Paula is available) 

This is definitely something to ponder.  Definitely.

Anywho, long story short, Susan did come to play on Wednesday and she also played for me today - it was great.. she is such a good player ( I wonder how she would do in the competition? )

Hey, maybe this guy will show up! He looks fun!

But in the mean time, the question still remains -

What organist will I get tomorrow - Stay tuned...

And to my Jewish Friends and family -

Happy Hanukkah!

Peace out kiddies..

M-

A bright light on a gray day-

So I get a text on Sunday saying.. "hey are you free for a funeral tomorrow at 9:30?"  "Sure", I reply.. "I am in!"  I get a texted smiley face back and ta da... a funeral is booked.  I don't want to make it sound so easy.. and uncaring..but this is behind the scenes.. what we do as musicians to get a service together for a family-

The funeral that was booked was at a different church.. I always find it interesting when I go to another church to sing. - You know, everyone has their own way of doing things  and I (and other singers) have to be flexible in regards to music, how the service is run, what priest likes   and what the minister of music likes- etc.  I have been doing this so long, I think I do a pretty good job of  "getting the feel" for the church, organist and priest -so far! 

The cool thing at this particular church is that the Minister of Music really has it together!  It is great - She has a sheet that lists certain songs that are appropriate for the funeral  - so the family can choose, or if they don't want to they can leave it up to her to choose.  It is a great system and works very well -
So I get there and she tells me that the family wants Ave Maria. but NOT Amazing Grace.  Well that is easy - so she went through and circled the songs that she thought would be nice - and off we went.

The procession had not started yet and I was setting up my music and then I  saw this cute little boy ( He was only 2 or 3 years old) in the congregation - he kept looking at me and waving and I would wave back- so eventually  I went over to talk to him and his mother. He was adorable, So willing to talk and just such a bright light - what a joy he must be.  I know he didn't understand why he was there - all he did during the service was wave at me  - and then he would pick up a hymnal  and pretend to sing.. it was so cute.  I love times like this - it makes light of a dismal situation -

Anywho - I come to find out that the deceased had gone into the hospital for I believe a heart attack, but once he got there, things went down hill -  they realized that he had pancreatic cancer and many other things wrong - so in a way, the heart attack was a blessing - the end of his life could have been much more painful and drawn out.

It was a lovely service, well as lovely as a funeral service can be - and afterwards I said my goodbyes to my organist - and as I was walking out to my car - there was that little boy again - running around. He wanted to play hide and go seek with me - it was precious - and as I was amongst the mourners, every time that gorgeous little boy would say something, their faces would light up - definitely a bright light on a gray day..


Find your bright light-

Peace out kiddies...

M-

Funeral Directors.. the few, the proud.. the hot?

Euglogies... 8 - that's right.. I said it.. 8!

Kim Whether

92 years young

This lovely woman was 92 years old..Has, I believe, eight kids, loved her music, dancing .. and her family - It was so evident in the beautiful tribute that was given- All eight of her children came up to speak - and each had beautiful things to say-  And one of her daughters came to sing, yes to sing.  I give this woman so much credit - she had a lovely voice - and she is a cantor in another church near by. I kept listening to her sing, and could only think to myself, "Could I do this?" .. could I sing at my parents funeral(s)?  I just don't know - it is such a personal thing, could I separate myself enough from the actual service to actually do it?  So many people don't have to think about this type of decision.. but I kinda do - at least I think I do- I mean what a better way to honor your parent(s) when you are a singer  then to sing for their funeral- - (Now,of course, after I post this.. you all know I will be getting a call from my parents!)I mean today, for instance, I sang all the masses at church - and one of the hymns was How Great Thou Art - now I know that is one of my Dad's favorites - and every time, every single time, I think of him, and I try not to get teary - and today I was successful!  But I get to thinking, would he want that at his funeral? I just don't know if I could do it.. and ok, really, for my mom? -  forget it.. who am kidding - So I guess the answer for today is No.. I couldn't do it.  But that is today - It might change down the road...

Ok, enough serious talk.. now on to the fun stuff.. We started with the eulogy (and just so you won't feel left out) - Ted did not stray from the norm - he started bitching already.. when he went to out to look to see who was speaking for the eulogy - he comes back and says.."There are seven out there!  What is this about?" Then I asked.. "Well, are you leaving me today?"   "No  - not today" he replied.. Soooo  there you go.. That question sure quieted him down.. for like a minute.

 We then changed the subject and started talking about other cantors that we know.. well he did..hysterical - and  oh yeah, that was fun because of course the conversation continued and we ended up talking about him...his compassion and how he has none - (now we are up to number 6 in the eulogy parade) I then told him that he has no idea how much material he gives me for my blog!  He laughed.. and started  walking out to see what number they were up too - (serving number 7, number 7?) He walks back and says to me " I am sorry, did I say seven?  I meant eight!"  Usually at this point, he whips out his cell phone to call his voicemail - but he left his phone in his car!  So he started to pace, used the phone in the sacristy to check his voicemail - Just watching him is great! He finally calmed down a bit after the eulogies were over - whew.  He is so much fun to work with, I really never know what to expect! 

The service continued  - it was a lovely mass. Her daughter sang so beautifully, did such a lovely job - I was so impressed with her demeanor, and how well she handled herself - She was a bit of an inspiration!

And don't we all need a bit of inspiration sometimes?

Peace Out kiddies....

M-

I'm late, I'm late for a very important.. other funeral at another church!

Dr. Larry Oleary

Died: October 30, 2010
Funeral; November 5th..2010

This funeral started with a call from the organist two days before telling me that he might be there close to 10am..just in time for the funeral. Okee dokee, No problem, we have done that before. 

So I  arrive at church - and Ted (my organist) says to me - "Good morning - Did you know that there are six grandchildren speaking.. 6?  Well, in the end, it ended up being five.. This still did not bode well with Ted, for he had another funeral at another church at eleven.  Now this is normally feasible.  But with the grandchildren and other relatives speaking, I was just not sure if he was going to make it -

The deceased was a local doctor - very popular, funny, seemed like a wonderful man..started a soccer league from his back yard 40 years ago and since then, it has turned into a pretty large league!
There was no coffin at this one - it was a cremation. I always find cremation sort of surreal.  This once walking living breathing person, is now in a small box.  A nice box, green marble, but none the less, a box. It just proves to me how precious our lives are and how important our family and friends are.. and also how important it is to tell the people you love "I love you" today, not tomorrow.. but today - now.. (ok, go call your family, I will wait)

 Ok back to Ted... as I said before, he had to leave early for another funeral at 11 - So he had informed the church when this funeral came up that he had another funeral at 11 at a church close by and he has to leave no later than 10:50.. no later (his words exactly). I have to  give you a play by play.. so this is how it went down...

 After his drama scene in regards to the speakers.. he started listening to the eulogists.  One of the  people that got up to talk about the deceased said that the doctor was a funny man - that he was a fan of the three stooges and did not like Lucille Ball!  Of course my response was, "What? How can you not like her.. she was amazing!" and Ted said.."they better move this along!"  - Oy!  Some spoke for quite sometime, Finally, finally they were done - and the service truly began.  After the first reading, the old testament, I walk up and sing the responsorial psalm.  So I go..  sing the psalm (2 verses, Ted is going to be late remember)  and go sit down.  Sing the Alleluia, and sit down.. Then the presider gets up to read and give the sermon.  As he gives his sermon, Ted and I go in the back room of the church to chill out for a bit - And there as Ted, texting, looking at the clock, tapping his foot... you get the picture.. Now don't get me wrong, Ted is an amazing pianist , great musician and a very very funny man - I love working with him .. but today he was not the best planner...

So the sermon is finally over - and Ted is getting all worked up now, he knows that he is going to be late for the next funeral - Now I am not sure what he did in the back room while the Priest was preparing for communion - but I saw him flicking his phone, making phone calls... you get the picture...
So we are up to the communion hymn and he turns to me and says... I am playing this hymn and I am leaving.. Ok.. so he is leaving me to cover the incensing the cremains and closing hymn?  What .. is he new?  Does he know what he is doing?   Really?  Does he know my piano skills?  I mean, I can fake it..but come on.. Oh.. but it gets better...

So.... now picture this... me sitting at the piano, with the microphone pulled in front of me.. ala Lady GaGa.. (ok,that made me laugh out loud).. So I have decided not to look back at the priest, because I can take my cues off of what he is going to say.. So he says the closing statement before he incenses the cremains, and I start singing what I normally do (even if I am not playing) then.. I hear.. "and I will incense the cremains...." Ok, so apparently he was not done speaking.. great.. awesome.. Oh man.. so I wait.. and finally I finish what I am singing.. and I am thinking to myself, "one down, one to go - I really hope no one will notice how I suck at the piano"  Then the service was over and I was left singing and playing How Great thou Art (Thank goodness people were leaving - it was not GREAT.. ).. I should have just sung it accapella (without accompaniment) - but no, I thought it would be a good idea to try to play it.. so in conclusion.. I have decided that it was not the best thing to leave me singing and playing at the same time in a church, in front of people.

Needless to say - No one should ever let me to do that again..

Ok kiddies..

Have a great day.. and remember to tell the people in your life that you love them...

Laughter can be the best medicine!

On such a sad day for some, it is uplifting to hear a little laughter - whether it is nervous laughter or full on belly laughing - it is so good for us.  Here is a story about Teresa - 74 years old

 Teresa

Died: October 25, 2009

The funeral starts the way it normally does, I announce the opening hymn to sing and noone picks up the hymnals to sing (I truly am surprised when people sing with me)  - so I start singing, the casket, priest and the family process down the aisle.  The family is seated and the service continues...

We have the first reading - which went smoothly... then.... One of the cousins started to go up to the pulpit, she thought she was going to read the second reading and the priest walks up to her and says...

“hi dear, won’t you sit down because we have the psalm first.."  Well, the family started to laugh.. so she sheepishly went to sit down, the family was still cracking up..I actually had to wait for them to stop laughing! So, finally,  I go and sing the psalm and they are all still snickering and I am trying to be all serious, but I could not help but smile.  So after I am done singing, I go and sit down.  Now it was time for her to go up to read the second reading..she gets up, we hear snickering, she walks  up and the family started laughing again- it was hysterical.  As she started reading, she was giggling.. She did get through the second reading – this whole thing brought some levity to the situation. And even the priest mentioned in his sermon that the laughter that he heard from the family is a great tribute to the love of Teresa and the love of family- that they were not afraid to laugh  - and we found out that Teresa loved life, her family and she loved to laugh at a great joke.

It was great....So laugh a little today -

Peace out kiddies...

M-



Sweethearts forever...

Ann 

Died: October 24, 2009

Wow - it has been almost a year to the day since I sang this funeral - time really flys.. but I remember

this one ...

A mother, wife, grandmother.  Tragic story but sweet… her husband john died 3 weeks before – In the business they call this a sweetheart death. The ceremony was lovely, I have to say the homily was so sincere and kind.. the thing that stuck with me was that the priest said that maybe John was sending annie a message  - when he said that he never liked to go out, that he liked her cooking gthe best.. well maybe that was a message, for her to come to him soon, because the food was terrible-

 

Well now, he can have her cookin….

A double header....

A double header?  I know, I know - "hey, we are not talking about baseball season here.. "  but in my world sometimes I do sing funerals back to back- hence  my affectionate title "double header."  Yeah, I know.. it is wrong.. but really - do you expect any less?

Irma

Born: 1940

Died: September 15, 2009

Irma – was very very involved with her church, heard she was the life of the party, she loved to have a few cocktails..(a woman after my own heart!)  Irma got sick, and was not getting better – but she said that she lived her life exactly how she wanted and she would not change a thing.. Wow.. that is impressive…I hope I can say the same

 - when I am 102 and living at the home.

The Second of the day -

September 15, 2009

  

Mercedes, 92 years young – What a full life, not alot of people were there -
(at 92 - really who is left? Hey that is what my great aunt says..and she is 94)but you could tell that the people that were there were very close to her and really loved her.

This funeral was spoken and sung half in Spanish and half in English, in my many years, I don’t remember doing one quite like this. Usually I would sing one song in Spanish - but this was truly an bilingual mass. I found it very beautiful  and left me wanting to learn the masses in Spanish.  The gentleman that accompanied me that day left me a hymnal that was bilingual. Sweet.

Some of the funeral songs I sang were

Ave Maria  - in Latin - of course...

On eagles wings,

Shepard me, oh G-d

Mass parts were in Spanish and English

Now some behind the scenes: The Priest that presided that day was doing well - LOL - As some of you know, when one has a funeral in the Catholic Church, the Priest is supposed to wear white vestments.  Well - He was chatting so much prior to the service, that he put on green vestments (ones that you would wear on a normal Sunday Service)  and forgot put on the white vestments. So he processes down the aisle, gets to the alter, left the alter, went and changed - (Yes, we kept playing/singing) He then explained to the congregation that it was a ritual to where the white vestments - But he made it seem that it was a ritual to change the vestments from green to white. He was so smooth.
Very smooth… jpw..very.. very smooth.

 I love my job!  LOL

It was a short service, but a very intimate one.  I am glad I was apart of her sending. 

Behind the scenes

I was going to wait - but I just can't.. today we are talking about 'behind the scenes' -As everyone knows, there is a lot of preparation when it comes to a funeral - Of course there is the coordination of the funeral home and the church or other house of worship and music and flowers, etc...

So I walk in to the church this morning to sing this funeral of a very affluent real estate realtor and developer - walked through the back door into the sacristy and there before my eyes are two people... Ted, my organist - and Father Roger, a priest that used to be in Bergen County but now lives "down Shore", yes, I mean the Jersey Shore and I don't think he knows "the situation".  The thing about Father Roger is that  he is a very nice man,  but as a retired priest, he does not celebrate masses very often. He is a bit quirky (aren't we all)  but here is the clincher  -  he is so lively when you talk to him.. but the minute he gets into mass, he talks in slow motion - seriously.. oh man... I knew this was going to be a long one..

As I said..  I walk in .. and look at Ted - and he looks at me.. and we roll our eyes.. because we know, this is going tobe a long one.. really long.. sometimes, when Father gives his homily, he starts to name all the family members..and that takes at least five minutes.. at this point of the service, my organist, Ted, is bitchin and moaning that we are never going to get out of there!  I really need to do a whole entry just on Ted.. it is so worth it.. But in regards to day to day funerals - I have to say it is very interesting to be on the other side of the equation.. what a business it is.. we really do feel bad for the families, but as church musicians - our job is to play/sing well and leave. 

But I am sidetracking..  the service continues, and we find that the deceased was a very cool guy..His sons each gave words of remembrance  - In 1990, he gained worldwide notoriety when he offered a $25,000 reward to charity if anyone saw him eating in a restaurant during the course of a year - or if he reduced his weight during that year.. They talked of his goodness, how funny he was.. how he liked to go to the local coffee shop..we heard the congregation laughing which is a great way to remember those who have left us here on earth.

The back drop of a funeral and some of the things people say crack me up.. Ted says to me - under his breath,  "look at that funeral director.. she looks as though she is going shopping at  Macy's".. She came back to the sacristy, I really thought she was a family member - but then she started talking saying that the family had seated themselves and we are ready to go.  Once again, Ted rolls his eyes -

 Ted has something to say about everything.. and he should .. he has been in the church business for at least 30 years...he is one of the funniest, sarcastic, brilliant players I know.  Boy can play anything, can change keys in a heartbeat.. nothing really phases him. This is why I love him so.. he hustles, he taught me to hustle (not the dance, thank God).. makes sure we get paid, on time - etc... Ted really has taught me alot of about the church business - and I thank him for that..

But as they left the church after the final hymn.. Ted turns to me and says.."Thank God that one is over "-

OY-

M

Ed

Born: 1966

Died: September 16, 2009

It was a crazy morning, traffic was a nightmare, Route  17 was backed up, so I had to find my way around it.  Finally get there, with 10 minutes to spare, met with the organist, went over the song list, and then tried to prepare myself for the next part:  

The deceased is 43 years old, my age.  Ok, I am not going to let this bother me.   His wife is my age, and they have two sons, the younger son is the same age as my son. Ok, I am not going to let this bother me. But you know it was bothering me, I am thinking about my husband, my son - how would I live.. seriously, I know, it sounds so dramatic - but sometimes it just gets me.

 I am watching the wife and, who I believe, her mother, and as the priest was talking about husband's personality, they were nodding their heads agreeing.   His wife was so strong, I really was really impressed  - what a wonderful example for her children. I think you go through the motions of what you need to do and then grieve later -  it is very interesting to me how people will grieve - so many different ways and how strong (or weak) people can be. 

But allow me to backtrack a bit... before the service was to begin, I am singing the opening hymn and the family was settling  in to the pews- The priest was about to start the service and then we all hear .. "Oh God".. I look over and the brother of the deceased got very ill, 911 was called and we waited...very awkward - I wanted to run over there and see what I could do, but this was a church where they did not know me well - The emt's came very quickly, he was checked then taken to the hospital – We did find out later that he was going to be ok.. That has never happened in the 15 years of singing funerals.. it was a bit scary.

The funeral went on, we got through it all - but I could not get his brother out of my mind.  It was really nice to see the support that the family received that day - but I think well yes they are here now, but will people be there in a month, or a year from now ?

Everyone grieves differently-

In the beginning....

there was a young woman who was offered a church job!  (Oh, wait that was me.. my bad)  - I thought I would jump back to the beginning of this interesting career I have.

I first started to sing in churches back in the early 90’s, I will never forget, my husband, also a singer, had a church job.  This is normal for opera singers, because frankly, we are not gigging all the time. 

So – the music director, where my husband worked, was looking for a singer to help out in the choir, so I said sure, why not, I mean, it was one step away from ...

My First Funeral

Betty Corradassi:

Born: June 22, 1921

Died: April 2, 1998

Betty,  was my first funeral at a church in New Jersey.   I was so nervous, and sad.  In the beginning, singing funerals, as it did with congregants, family members and the like, always made me so sad.. I mean think about it,this is what is the monologue was like running through my mind, “oh man, this lady is the same age as my Aunt Linda, I love my Aunt Linda, oh now I am going to cry… don't cry, don't cry, be a professional, look at the lights above, think of anything else...la la la..who was on SNL this week, think of how funny Robin Williams is".. ok..this so did not work in the beginning. 

It was a church funeral, so as you probably know, there is a full mass and then usually concludes with the family wanting something special sung after communion, which is usually Ave Maria - now I could get through that - but afterwards, at the very end, this is where it kills me – I have to sing a farewell song which just makes me cry. 

But Betty was full of life, she loved her family and most of all, and she loved her church. How do I know this?  Her grandson, Michael, told the congregation that was gathered in

the church on that cold April morning.    He talked about all the great things she was and things she did... one of the things that struck me funny was that when he spoke about Grandma Betty cupcakes, with the best frosting in Westfield, NJ – Everyone nodded their heads and smiled.

Betty was a librarian, and she volunteered at church functions – basically she was perfect. Aren't all Grandma's.... 

Talk to you all soon....

M~

 

Sisters until the end

Wow - my first real entry - I wrote the introduction for the Blog and what do you know, Bam -  I get the call from an organist I usually work with. But this funeral call was a little different... Two sisters (way into their 90's) had died six months apart and now the family was to have a funeral for the both of them. Okee Dokee-

I think what made this so interesting was that one had been cremated and one was in a casket - I think.. or were they both cremated and in one casket.. I just wasn't sure...There was a table in the front  - I thought that was for an urn.. but no one put anything there - so I just kept staring at the casket  saying to myself... are both of them in there? Are they ok?  (I know, horrible - right?)  And to be honest, I would not be surprised - What I found out was that they did everything together - helped raise their siblings, lived through WWI, the great depression, WWII and so much more.  They were avid knitters, apparently always making baby hats, booties and blankets for every newborn that came along!  They never missed a birthday, anniversary, etc..
In their later years, they went into assisted living (2001) which to me is incredible - these ladies lived well into their 90's and it seemed as though they led a full life of family, faith and travel.  The family had a program to hand out to those who came - and on the cover, there was a picture of the two of them in their Red Hats - It was great.

They definitely were sisters until the end.

A blog about singing for the dead - who knew.

So- Here we are- my first post about my crazy life as a wife, mom, professional singer who is now (I guess there is no other way to say this) a funeral singer. I have to tell you  that I really never thought I would ever be blogging about this!

 A little background on me - I am a classically trained singer - but prefer to sing musical theater - I went to school, got various music degrees and proceeded to have a nice little opera career.  After getting married to this really cool guy, we kept singing (he is a singer too) then after having my son, I did not want to travel as much and decided to concentrate on being a church musician - and I have had great success!  As a singer, all of us, at one time or another have had a church job.. but for some reason, I had always felt that I really touched the lives of those for whom I sang.... Then one day - an organist asked me if I would sing a funeral.. "sure!', I said, not knowing that it would be the most emotional hour of my life.  Every one I that I sang from that moment on, got a little easier.  Singing for the dead is never easy..

I hope this blog can ease the pain that people are feeling...

Stay tuned!

Meliss-